By Imrana Muhammad Nata’ala
Today in Nigeria, chasing ultimate pleasure through sex has become an ongoing struggle. The original purpose of sex, which was “procreation,” is often ignored. Few Nigerians engage in sex solely for reproduction, as family remains a key goal—while many view sex as a way to demonstrate masculinity and dominance over a partner.
In the last three years, numerous incidents have exposed the “illusion of pleasure,” turning sex into a competitive activity. Winners mock losers, who then seek other ways to cope with perceived defeat. This has led to increased use of herbal remedies and drugs in an attempt to assert masculinity.
However, prolonged drug abuse has resulted in more heart attacks among Nigerians—fighting for the “illusion of pleasure,” which is merely a mirage. This quest has brought nothing but pain between partners, as sex was never meant to be a contest or a fight.
Women have also contributed to the perpetuation of this illusion by undervaluing the importance of communication. According to “Sex: A Man’s Guide,” a survey of 100,000 married women found that the strongest indicator of sexual and marital satisfaction was open communication of sexual feelings with their husbands.
The more they communicated, the better they rated their sex lives, marriages, and overall happiness. “Let each other know what works, as well as what doesn’t. Be positive and constructive; criticism, expressed harshly, is often the death of sex.” Recently, communication between lovers has been severely diminished before and after sex.
This lack of communication has nurtured an illusion perceived as pleasure. As this illusion grew, it created a barrier between genuine pleasure and its counterfeit. The illusion of pleasure, now at its peak, has divided into categories such as self-pleasure (masturbation) and sex for dominance rather than intimacy.
Today, many called “baddies” prefer using vibrators, dildos, and cucumbers for self-satisfaction, viewing this as the ultimate pleasure without concerns about stamina, tiredness, accessibility, or low libido.
This perception of pleasure, disguised as genuine, is also common among men, from teens to young adults. Many prefer masturbation over sex for its convenience and lack of drama or perceived threats to masculinity.
According to the BMC Public Health report on the SHINI study revealed that out of 941 participants—625 women (including 315 female sex workers) and 316 men—64.9% had self-masturbated since their first sexual experience. Additionally, 83.7% engaged in mutual masturbation, with a higher prevalence among women (86.6%) than men (78.1%).
The study also found that occupation, smartphone ownership, and alcohol intake were linked to self-masturbation, while ethnicity, location, number of sex partners, and oral sex were related to mutual masturbation.
These findings underscore a shift in the concept of pleasure—from intimacy and love to a contest of stamina, size, wetness, or depth. It’s no longer about connection but about surpassing expectations, even from the perspective of sex workers.
Despite individual differences, some men can last only a minute, while others view 30 minutes as normal. Men with instant gratification of pleasure from sex were usually referred to as 1 minute man, neglecting the fact that, naturally, there isn’t a fixed time for how long one lasts but for most couples it’s between 3 to 13 minutes.
Originally, sex was meant to be a profound pleasure shared between two people with a bond of affection. As the Americans say, “making love” or “love-making.”
Today’s Nigerian society has transformed sex into an illusion of pleasure.
By Imrana Muhammad Nata’alah
Emurenceimran@gmail.com